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God sends us Signs and Angels…

· Treatment,faith,awakening,recovery,miracles

The day I entered treatment everyone appeared so vulnerable but he just looked peaceful. The familiar face I never expected to see was there and I ran to him and hugged him. I could feel he had found the gift of a touch of serenity and I wanted it. He made a joke about finding and remaining in his Zen mode. I saw it, and I was a witness to the magic that was surrounding him. I knew it had to do with his faith, and in some divine way he was there to remind me of that. I was grateful for his presence. I was shaky and still detoxing and my nerves were in panic mode, but I felt better around him immediately. In my hopeless and helpless desperation, I had asked God to help me and to show me the way. My spiritual condition had been broken, but for some reason I knew then at that moment, I was going to be ok. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I started to feel safe. Over the next couple days, I allowed this new feeling to unfold.

One evening the sun was setting and it was at the point where the sun was still bright over the horizon and as I looked past the balcony the sun flashed before me and got brighter blinding me for what felt like forever. I suddenly went into a sort of trance when I had this awakening…, I felt the divine presence all around me and deep within me. I didn’t find God, I remembered. I had yet another glimpse inside my soul feeling the presence of spirit. I became aware again of the divine energy within me and all around me and I felt the healing begin that day in that moment when a flood of compassion so powerful broke through me and swept away the shame that had been consuming me. I cried for the little girl who’s father and mother left her, who was told she would never amount to much…that she was bound to repeat her mothers mistakes. I cried for the Teenager who by being raped, had her personal power stolen from her at the age of 15, I cried for the woman who never felt she had the freedom to succeed, who was told by those she thought she loved that she would never be good enough, she was damaged goods. I cried for the Mother who had lost her living child and was grieving a dead child. I cried for the addict in her who had suffered desperately for years, trapped inside the cage she had built for herself. I cried many healing tears that day. I knew that instead of self-pity, I had to grieve and have compassion for myself, love all those parts of myself, and learn how to move on and begin to heal. I thought again about how I had asked for a sign, and my mind settled on the Brene’ Brown book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”. I would read more that night…. I did indeed do that and the pages leaped out at me and it was like Brene’ had jumped out of the book and was sitting on the edge of the bed talking to me, giving me a pep talk and telling me all the things I needed to hear. More powerfully though, just the fact that I had asked God for the exact help and I received it, that was the beginning of what I can only explain as my direct link to the message center of the divine.

Throughout treatment the synchronicity of events that coincided with my prayers was miraculous. I know I was sent Angels and signs throughout my stay. People showed up when I needed them, books jumped out at me, and words were spoken by strangers that answered my burning questions. Since then, I have any question or desire a sign, I ask to receive a message and they come to me in many forms as long as I pay attention and look for them. I am so grateful for the memories, the opportunity, the gift of awareness I received. The relationship I have today with the God of my understanding is rich and ever-evolving and I keep it strong by doing the work. My spiritual practice takes practice and I am learning more about how to know God and love myself and others more and more everyday. The gifts appear to be endless, so why stop now…

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